Laundry

Somebody had left the laundry to its own devices for a little too long, so I had to take care of it before the pile started making lunges at my feet as I walked past. I've been having trouble with my socks disappearing, and have dealt with it by combining the pebbly-textured sock with the pebbly-stripe-textured sock (No One Will Know). However, I felt that the situation could easily worsen to the point of having to combine different colored socks, which means that I would have to wear rainboots with long trousers (Somebody Might Guess). I'm living in Texas, so I started a "No Sock Left Behind" program. Unfortunately, I had forgotten that my socks (being Texans) are big fans of Tim Lahaye and Jerry Jenkins. The ensuing panic was even worse than the time two years ago when the cardigans spread a rumor that ethnic clothing was being rounded up and put in "washing machines" that were really gas furnaces (although a big part of that broohaha was the debate over what constitutes "ethnic clothing"). Anyhow, if it had simply been the socks, which are a docile clothing group, the trouble would have ended easily. The business casual clothes keep themselves apart from the common lot (on the previous occasion their motto had been "Better to burn than to be unclean," which actually caused more harm than good). However, the flare jeans tend to be incendiary, and they seized the opportunity to start a campaign for stocking dignity, with mottos like "Downtrodden no more." They also recommended integrating socks into the closet, rather than keeping them segregated (and not equal) in the dresser. The worst part is that socks are very earnest, and they have a hard time telling when they are being made fun of ("I'm sure an appropriate hanger could be devised if it were really wanted"). In the end riot police had to spray them down with Shout and throw them in the washer.